The Introvert’s Guide to School Dances, because prom season is thankfully over

 Believe me, I should have done something fancy this week, but I’m at the stage of the semester where I’m just kind of done and I don’t want to do anything but read my phone and wait to be all the way done. So, instead, I present a thing I started back in October, around Homecoming season, and picked up again last week in time for Prom season. I have a second, related thing, but that again must be pushed to next week while I wait on a friend who promised to playtest it. 

If you had a “typical” american high school education, you might remember Prom and Homecoming. Two big dances, one more casual and open to everyone (Homecoming or HoCo), and one very formal, for upper-classpeople only (Prom). For people like me, dances are either really really fun, or horrible agony. Sometimes both. So I present: Ways to Handle School Dances and the Emotional and Physical Stimuli Attached to Them. 

Basically, this is my list of things that helped me survive hoco and prom without dying, and actually have some fun. I have sensory issues and anxiety and some issues with social situations, so that influences what I notice. 

Also, my dress:

Reasons to Go:

• Almost everyone goes to these things. And people, especially those who caucus with the girls, talk about them. So it helps you both fit in and connect with your classmates better. 
• You will miss out. Memories, gossip, and everything else that these dances provide — if you don’t go, you won’t have a chance to be involved
• You don’t have to dance; I almost never have, unless it’s in the corner with a few friends where it’s quieter. 
• It can be kind of fun, especially for prom, to dress up all fancy! Find clothes that make you feel perfect, and have an excuse to dress up!

Days Before:

• Go with friends, if possible. If you’re not interested in romance or anything, you don’t have to go with a date, but going with friends lets you plan things before and after, and it means you know people you like will be there.
• Buy your dress, if you’re wearing one, in person so you can try it on and find something that makes you happy. I got a prom dress that gave me gender euphoria and made me feel beautiful, and it made my night better because I was comfortable. 
• Talk to people about it. This can be awkward and draining, but it’s good for building friendships and it makes for good small talk ahead of time. Try “Hey, you going to [Prom]?”, or if you know they’re going, “Hey, what are you going to wear to [Prom]?” — a lot of my female presenting friends really wanted to talk about their dresses.
• If someone asks you whether you’re going or not, tell them, and ask in return. People like it when you reciprocate. If they present feminine or are planning to wear a dress, they’ll probably show you a picture. This usually means they want you to say “Oh, cute!”, or something else positive, and they’ll want to see yours as well. This is an easy way to keep the conversation going, so having a picture of what you’re wearing on your phone is probably a good thing. 
• If you’re going with someone, ask them as soon as you can, and coordinate everything. I don’t know because I’ve always gone either alone (frosh year homecoming, junior year prom) or with a group (junior year homecoming), but I get the sense from my friends who went with dates that you kinda need to know where you stand with each other, as well as the logistical details. I think a lot of people, even if they already plan to go together, like posters or something. 
• Buy your ticket early, so you don’t have to worry about it. Especially since sometimes there’s a deadline or a point where prices go up or both. Get your ticket as soon as possible.

Hours Before:

• Take pictures! You’ll want to remember, and a lot of people post pre-dance pictures on social media, both pictures of them getting ready and pictures at like parks and such. 
• If you’re an introvert or dances are draining, avoid interacting with people beforehand and then you have more energy later.
• Pack headphones if noise is an issue for you. Headphones or earplugs have saved my ability to function many a time. Dampening the sound means that there won’t be so much sensory input.
• Other things to remember to pack: school id, ticket, a little money just in case, something to do with your hands if you have a hard time sitting still, anything that you like to fidget with, something that brings you luck (I bring thread, a d6 I’ve had for a while, and occasionally a tiny old plastic pony figure), extra hairpins or lipstick if you’re wearing those, safety pins (safety pins are a lifesaver both for you and for other people, but if you lend them out you’re probably not getting them back). Gum or mints could also be good if you’re nervous. 
• Get there on the early side. This lets you take pictures, get good parking, and be there to get the lay of the land. It’s really helpful for me to be there early ish so I’m not anxious about being late, even though I’m worried about being the only one there early (my school enforces no-entry-after-a-certain-time and no-exit-until-a-certain-time). Pick an arrival time to ease your anxiety. 

During:

• Take lots of pictures! Selfies with your friends, or get someone to take a picture of all of you together. It’ll be a good memory, and if you’re looking to get someone’s phone number, take a picture with them and offer to send it to them. If there’s a photo booth, do that because sometimes you get props or an actual printed picture. 
• Find a quiet space you can retreat to if you need to, and take breaks if you need them. I always try to know where I’ll go if I have a sensory overload or anxiety attack ahead of time so I don’t have to think about it in the moment. Avoid places where people are likely to go make out, for obvious reasons; I suggest the bathroom (if it’s not single-stall) because it’ll be pretty quiet and people will give you some privacy, or a corner of the dance floor that’s quieter, or an actual quiet room if there is one. Point is, be away from the dance floor if you want quiet or space. Take breaks early on, and just know your limit. Things you can say are “I need a moment, please,” or “I need a breath of fresh air” or “I have to go adjust [my dress]”. 
• If there’s a mosh-pit-like area of the dance floor, know that it’ll be the loudest area and it’ll have a lot of people really close together. I’ve never braved it, but I have friends who did, and they say short people sometimes get squashed and if you stop dancing you could get trampled. I hang out on the edges at most, and usually in a further corner where it’s quiet. 
• People will compliment you on your outfit. The unspoken expectation is that anyone wearing a dress expects other people wearing dresses to comment on how beautiful/cute they look, and will do so in return. Say “Thanks! You look really [pretty] too” and move on. 
• Safety tips:
• “No” is a complete sentence. It is also a valid response to being asked to dance, being pulled into the mosh pit, or anything asked by a friend. But if a teacher or chaperone asks you to do something, unless there’s a really good reason not to, you should do that. 
• Never put down a cup, even if it’s got your name on it, unless you can see it the entire time it’s out of your hand. Some people are idiots or worse. Always go get your own water, and if there isn’t a teacher by the drinks the whole time, find a water fountain just in case. If you can’t see your cup, toss it as soon as you can and get a new one. 
• Dance! Nobody will be paying attention to how well you dance. They’ll be doing their own thing. Even if you hang out by the wall (like me and a whole pile of other queer kids), nobody cares. Have fun with it!

After:

• Send pictures to everyone who’s in them — this is kind of a social norm, and really you should ask if they want it when you take the picture, but mostly people do.
• If you’re going to post on social media, get permission from everyone in the pictures first. And tag them unless they say not to. Another thing I’ve noticed is that everyone posts their prom pictures, and they’ll comment on yours if you comment on theirs, but the expectation seems to be that you should comment on some number of the posts that come across your feed. It doesn’t have to be anything more than “Beautiful! Hope you had fun!!”. Either don’t use exclamation points or use at least two in a comment; for some reason that’s a thing. 
• Don’t wear your fancy clothes to eat afterwards unless you’re willing to treat them for stains. You WILL spill. 
• I recommend going home and destressing. After homecoming this year, my friends and I went to a friend’s house and drank hot chocolate. After Prom, I went home and watched part of Clueless, then didn’t get to bed until 1am. 
• If you can avoid it, don’t get up early the next day, because these dances go until late and that means you won’t be home until really late, and you do need to get sleep.